Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. But the same can’t be said for our jolly Saint Nick; he’ll be delivering presents, and boy is he quick. As all the good children lay asleep filled with glee, who knows what ol’ Santa will leave under their tree.
Now here’s the thing about Santa Claus. He’s the ultimate truck driver, however, would St. Nick realistically be able to deliver a Christmas wish to every child in today’s freight-delivery environment? Let’s take a look at some of the very basics that he would have to consider if he were to abide by the current or future regulations that our drivers must comply with on a daily basis.
Prior to even getting in the sleigh, DOT would certainly have a problem with Santa’s weight. The trend in driver health and wellness would surely squelch any and all attempts to actually fatten Santa up this year. Mrs. Claus would be focusing on Santa’s healthy eating habits and altering that red suit of his so that it fits him properly. A lower BMI could help combat the onset of sleep apnea, so at this point we would already have a trimmer, slimmer and well-rested Kris Kringle. This, in turn, would create a new Christmas story for children everywhere. Mrs. Claus will no longer be fattening up Father Christmas with high-carb foods, but rather opting for the carrot stick and skinny jeans for St. Nick. Cherish the memories of once placing cookies and milk by your tree because this year, Santa is looking for a protein bar and bottled water.
Now back to the trip at hand. Before beginning his pretrip inspection, Santa would have filed for an exemption with the Federal Motor Carrier Safety Administration that allows him to operate beyond the current hours-of-service provisions. I have a hard time imagining all those presents being delivered in 11 hours. Furthermore, his permit application process will be in overdrive. I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time even estimating what the weight would be for a load that contains a toy for every child in the world, and I am sure that it would be over the 80,000-lb. limit. So, unless the weight limit for a sleigh pulled by reindeer is significantly higher, Santa would be applying for an exemption.
Now that the basic paperwork is out of the way and the pretrip inspection has confirmed that the “light” in Rudolph’s nose is in working order, Santa embarks on his worldwide journey. He is being tracked not only by his elves but also by the people at NORAD. It seems Santa has more to comply with than just properly using an electronic logging device.
Regardless, Santa Claus, much like our nation’s truck drivers, is responsible for delivering wishes and dreams to people all over the world. He does it with a smile on his face and in the safest possible manner since we have never heard of an accident occurring with a sled and nine reindeer, one of which has a red nose. At the end of the trip, when he makes it back to the North Pole, Santa begins the prep work for the next ride, much like our drivers do every day. I think it is fairly obvious to say that if Santa did operate under the FMCSRs, his trips may be more difficult than the stories suggest.
On behalf of the Truckload Carriers Assn., warmest thoughts and best wishes for a wonderful holiday season and a Happy New Year to all of our drivers, carriers and families across the country.
David Heller, CDS, is director of safety and policy for the Truckload Carriers Assn. He is responsible for interpreting and communicating industry-related regulations and legislation to the membership of TCA. Send comments to [email protected].
